TW: This blog deals with themes of eating disorders and body image, including related topics.
My eating disorder and my journey so far.
I think I have had a form of binge eating disorder for almost five years, although it has manifested in various shapes and forms and I have had periods of relative “recovery” during this time.
My eating disorder is centred around food addiction – specifically, chocolate – although binges could occasionally involve other common binge-eating foods such as fast food or high-fat, high-carb foods. At its worst, I would go months where every single day I would consume 2-5,000 calories of chocolate and other foods in private and in short bursts.
My eating disorder, although partly an addiction, is largely driven by emotional eating. I turn to chocolate in excessive amounts to deal with stress, tiredness, loneliness, for celebratory reasons, and even for boredom (although this is less common, and usually only a few months into a binge period).
Since my eating disorder started, I have had three periods of time (not including my current recovery period) where I have gone up to six weeks without binge eating. My first two “recovery” periods have been followed by a binge period lasting a minimum of eight weeks, or a consecutive 60 days. My latest recovery period (not including the current) was followed by two weeks of binge eating.
Why I chose to start a blog.
Partly as a vent for my own emotions.
I have found that writing down how I feel often helps to stave off a binge urge – when I desperately want to binge eat – until I feel more in control again.
I am also using this as a way of dealing with my emotions healthily, instead of eating in order to deal with them. This is part of a learning process where I am exploring multiple new ways of dealing with my emotions, until I find what works for me.
Partly as an educational tool, to show other people what binge eating disorder looks like – it is the least understood but most common eating disorder, and can often be difficult to spot or understand, especially for those who do not have it. As an educational tool, this might help those with binge eating disorder or food addiction to understand what they are going through, and might help loved ones or friends to empathise.
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Diary of a Food Addict 